If you smell what the fuck is lutefisk, dump it.

10 Most Annoying People That Appears On Free Philippine TV

10. Mike Enriquez
– OK, I don’t have a grudge personally against this man. He’s good, he’s a justice advocate, he’s a people person, he’s a great celebrity. But the only reservation against him is his voice. *Uhurm, excuse me po!* It’s more suited for radio and not on TV. There are people with voices suited for TV, like Noli De Castro, Ted Failon, and many more. Mike Enriquez is not one of them. I only watch “24 Oras” on occasions when Mel Tiangco flies solo.
Annoyance Rating: 100

9. Michael V.
– His brand of comedy is simply comparable to watching Rob Schneider. Bitoy, as he is fondly called by his minions, appears in a whole lot of commercials, advertisments and billboards. And if you toss in his musical endeavours, you got the Filipino counterpart of Weird Al Yankovic. He’s also that annoying at his own show called “Bitoy’s Funniest Videos”, which is a direct rip of old video archives at AFHV. But maybe it’s his job to be that annoying.

At least Tita Cory was shown with her face in good quality in Readers’ Digest.
Annoyance Rating: 6460

8. Manny Pacquiao
– OK, so I could get burned for this. But I will raise points on the question “Why is Manny on this list?”. This guy is a legend, and a big one at that. He’s a champion, a boxing hall of famer who will be the face of Top Rank while he is undefeated. But at home, he’s aiming for politics. He’s in a lot of commercials (Alaxan, Talk n Text, San Miguel Beer, Nike) and he has his own show. No problems with the show, but does he need to be in that LOT of commercials in one day? Last Saturday I sat down on the couch with a ballpen and pad and started counting all Manny Pacquiao commercials that aired from 7AM to 5PM in all major TV stations, flipping channels every minute or so. I counted 45 (which could be more than 45, considering I sometimes stay on a channel for more than 10 minutes if the show’s good). If you take that into account, he appears on free TV 9 times every 2 hours, or once every 6-7 minutes. In terms of commercials, he’s more annoying than Michael V. I wonder how much RICOA and Motolite paid Manny Pacquiao to have their product name placed on his ass (more specifically, his boxer shorts’ backside).
Annoyance Rating: 727426

7. The Person Responsible For Plugging “HeadLiners” Segments On IBC-13
– This guy is nameless. I don’t know this person, even just a name or an identifier except for this particular responsibility. But I have to mark him/her as annoying. On the wee hours of 7PM to 10PM IBC-13 airs some great videos of Japan, aptly the “Japan Home Videos” which feature a great view, tourist-wise, of a country that isn’t going to be hit hard by the f**king Arabs’ oil dominance. Or sometimes IBC 13 airs nature documentaries in lieu of the Japanese videos, mostly nature preservation and reforestations. And while I’m engrossed on a couch, this pupofab***h suddenly switches the airshow to “Headliners” without any warning or hint, which leaves me with a bad taste of wasabi in my mouth.
Annoyance Rating: 727426.25

6. Tied for 6th – The entire RP political “Opposition” + Leftists + Militant Party-List Groups
– The only political pigs to make it in my list. The rallyists cause massive traffic jams and leave discarded food wrappers and styros in their wake, and the most annoying part is that they also get a huge shit on the nightly news reports. The “Opposition” gobble up massive TV coverage regarding their political aspirations and wet dreams of someday gobbling up the National Treasury of its contents, which is fairly annoying too. Can’t these politicians just simply “do their job”? Action speak louder than words. And these politicians are made of just empty words and self-righteous bullshit.
Annoyance Rating: 1000000

5. Tied for 5th – The entire TV5 Sports director, crew responsible for PBA on TV5 promotions & on-air graphics team
– Please. Basketball is a game, not a telenovela. What these people are doing to “hype” PBA is just plain stupid, and an annoying one at that. Most of their graphics consists of substandard design, bitmap bullshit and players’ heads superimposed on cartoons and otherworldly calligraphic s**t. And placing titles on each game doesn’t help, it’s corny and pathetic. And if you add their total value as advertisement, they wouldn’t even get past 0. Their hype machine is like XFL on premium crack. Thankfully Solar Sports ended the agony.
Annoyance Rating: 5000000

4. Tied for 4th – The entire cast of the “Meaty Ginisang Gulay” kids dance troupe
– These kids are so damn annoying. I don’t know how long they plan on desecrating TV airtime with their escapades on how they would eat vegetables with sprinkled flavorings. They are misleading their fellow youth on eating habits. Vegetables do NOT need these artificial bullshit just to taste better. It’s all in the preparation, you kiddie morons. If these kids don’t want to eat their vegetables without “Meaty Ginisang Gulay” flavoring, they can go to hell. And to top their insolence off, they do their commercials with high-pitched singing voices and dancing motions. Fattened worms on a hook look more amusing than these kids.
Annoyance Rating: 7472856

3. “Pokwang”
– Life’s a bitch… until you watch one on TV. Her voice is annoying. Her punchlines never register. Her wardrobes are fashion disasters. Her actions on TV is just plain stupid. And if #2(see below) is her partner in crime, expect a whole lot of bull. By the way, people, if you’re a TV personality and you choose a most stupid screen name like “Pokwang”, or maybe a more stupid name than that, prepare for hell. Goddamn it, she f**king looks a hell lot like my dog. For once, maybe, Joey de Leon had a point.
Annoyance Rating: (number of Wowowee episodes) * 500000000

2. Willie Revillame
– Willie Revilla-makes me sick. He and his braincell-depleting, stampede-inciting, game-fixing, poverty-exploiting, humanity-disgracing show aptly titled “Wowowee”. His disastrous noontime escapades have been the stuff of legends, from his pocket-balls to the most recent “doble”, he is simply a timebomb waiting to explode a whole lot of feces into the living rooms of innocent people. His gameshow have been used numerous times in documentaries as examples of exploiting poverty. To top it all off, he constantly plugs his album’s s”hits” and personally sings (ahem, more like lipsynching) them on air. I personally think most of his show episodes are more effective when used akin to prescription sleeping pills. Amazingly, he has managed to avoid a whole lot of cases and controversies. He sure knows a lot of powerful people to avoid prosecution. He may not dress like Satan, but he sure’s down with wolves in sheep’s fur. Yeah right.
Annoyance Rating: ( Pokwang’s annoyance rating ) * 2

1. Tied for 1st – The entire crew of all Philippine showbiz talk shows, especially Showbiz Central, The Buzz, StarTalk, et al. – Because they never do, and never will give a f**king damn in revealing, or destroying, what little privacy the artists have remaining. It’s their job to slowly undermine and erode the Philippine show business. It’s sad, it’s disgusting and it’s revolting to see these people verbally assault innocent artists, and possibly also depraving the artists’ family and loved ones of privacy. The worst thing is that they get airtime and what they’re doing is democratically legal. They make me sick every weekends (my girlfriend loves to watch these shows), and frankly weekends would be great if not for these people. I do not know why these people find amusement in desecrating the private lives of others while putting on a smile that can outsmile Heath Ledger’s Joker face while doing it. And that’s why these people are SO annoying. So annoying that they can freeze hell with just a 10-second airing and tazmanian devils fly out of the hosts’ butts.

Their dialogue can be simulated like this:

—- Host 1: Magandang hapon, mga kabaklush sa pananampalataya sa Reyna Ng Kabadingan!!!
—- Host 2: Oo nga, sister, marami tayong pasasabugin ngayon, maliban sa kung-ano ng papa ko! Aaayy!!

Not all the hosts are effeminate, or females with adequate knowledge of gay lingo. I actually know a fair lot of the so-called “gay dialogue” because our gay neighbor next-door-at-the-hotel in Taguig kept screaming these lines day and night while drinking Ginebra with his friends, and within earshot. Now I know how Eminem feels when he says “shooting faggots and gays”.

—- Host 3: Ngayon may nabalitaan tayong si Actor X ay nangangaliwa at ang kalaguyo ay si… Actress X! How true?
—- Host 4: Ayon sa aming mga reliable sources, si Actor X ay laging tumatambay sa mga bars sa may Timog-Roosevelt, at na-identify ng aming impormante na si Actress X ang kasama! If true, ano na kaya ang sitwasyon nila ni Actress Y ngayon at apparently nagkakahiwalay na sila? Ma-interview natin.

These hosts absolutely has no respect for other people, no?

—- Host 5: Magandang balita, mga sister! Ikakasal na sina Actor RA at si Actress JAS… at nasa amin ang exklusibong footage!

“No privacy” might be these hosts’ motto.

—- Host 6: Ano itong napapabalitang lilipat na ng istasyon si Actress Z matapos ang Drama X na pinasukan niya? How true?


These hosts just keep writing checks with their mouths their asses can’t cash.
Annoyance Rating: infinite


Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
If there are any questions, you may direct them to the nearest wall near you.


~ by lancelotreadman on September 27, 2008.

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