TNA < Crap

5 People I just wanted to randomly discuss about… Kafka-esquely.

Special mention: Kurt Angle
– Now this one is a 50-50 descriptive. I mean, this guy has accomplished everything in WWE (except joining McMahon’s ill-ass-trious club). He was made popular by the biggest and the best promotion in the world, WWE. Then he abruptly leaves. Now THAT sucks. 3 weeks after his release, he went to a promotion that REALLY sucks, TNA. At least he didn’t go to NWA. TNA is the promotional equivalent of Funaki advertising a can of lutefisk. But it’s the best for him – healthwise. He consumes painkillers like crack in WWE due to the extensive house show schedule. He sustains multiple injuries in WWE. But in TNA it allows him to heal his body one hamstring at a time. Basically it’s like trading popularity for health, and it’s like a fair trade. But the point for the “what the hell is he thinking” part is that he opted to defect to a WWE copycat. It’s not that much different – TNA copies storylines, wrestler personas, and a lot resembling Vince Russo’s old WWE ways. Why can’t he just go to Japan or in Dana White’s UFC? NJPW is a good promotion, but overseas. UFC is a good choice too. No storylines, no plots. Just plain and true MMA. But TNA? That sucks. I can still hear the old WWE fan chants for Kurt. Oh and by the way, CM Punk is NOW more popular than Kurt Angle. Dig that.

Oh, by the way. let me define these abbreviations.
TNA = Total Nobody Afterthoughts
NWA = Nigger Wanking Association
UFC = a local ketchup in the Philippines, tastes like tea residue with sugar.

Oh, and by the way, I have a few opinions with TNA.
TNA basically is like an unofficial WWE developmental center that bamboozled SpikeTV on granting them 2 hours to fill with crap.
I mean, some of my friends pointed out that TNA is filled with WWE and WCW has-beens. The only guy in TNA capable of running two hours in SpikeTV and entertaining people with only a microphone is a guy named Sting. The rest sucks a lot. Look at Kurt – healthy, yes. Looking good – yes. Still popular – damn no. Poll wrestling fans and they will remember Kurt as that WWE guy who lost his gold medal to a retard. In TNA, actually, it’s not that much different – Kurt lost his gold medal to a bastard. There’s Booker T, good with the mic but bad with the switch. He transferred himself from a main-eventer at WWE to a Samoa Joe jobber. And even Shawn Daivari, obviously rising to fame as that Muhammad Hassan’s Farsi-shouting, American-hating kissass, decided to retain that gimmick in TNA and use his Shiek-ly name. Damn. And oh, their wrestlers’ entrance music sucks a lot, it’s not going to register anyway. ROH looks much better than their product. And if anybody refutes me, they can just kiss that “Amazing Kong”’s black fat ass.

5. Mike Adamle
– This guy earned his celebrity status when he became a host in the old “American Gladiators” series. Now, he’s plying his trade as a wrestling celebrity of sorts. For me, I do not know what he is thinking when he accepted the job in ECW to be Joey Styles’ replacement. Fans booed him behind his back. Announcing colleagues started ripping him off with subtle jokes. He has little knowledge of the product he’s describing every Tuesday night. He mispronounces wrestlers’ ring names. Lance Storm and Paul Heyman started disparaging him (although Heyman speculated that Vince did this deliberately to stir up publicity for ECW). And recently he was “promoted” to be the on-air General Manager of RAW. I think he’s better with a handheld mic than the one strapped on his head, as so far he was flawless. But accepting that announcing job at ECW – what the hell is he thinking? He can’t even describe a dropkick properly! He’s even worse than Don West!

4. David Beckham
– This man’s task is an extremely hard one, as said by Justin Timberlake at an awards show, quipping that David raised America’s interest in soccer by a thumb’s length, adding that “we already have football”. Soccer is for Europeans with a side of foie gras; Football is for the beer-swigging Americans. So David Beckham should be a total nut to revive a real bum sport in the US such as soccer. It’s the equivalent of the water polo organizers to hire Michael Jordan to raise awareness. And continually his wife is creating Hollywood fashion buzz. he has a good life in Europe – why go to the US with Euro > Dollar? What a loser. He can end up being a Chippendales dancer.

3. Vince McMahon
– The most enigmatic wrestling promoter ever. He is a savvy promoter, an able in-ring performer, good mic skills, and a cutthroat nonsense boss. He’s muscular for someone of his age (excluding Hogan, who is a steroid fuck) and he’s known as “Mr. McMahon”, the one who screwed Bret Hart at Montreal. He runs his company the way he sees fit. I emphasize the words “he sees fit”. Since he bought WCW, it has been a rollercoaster ride for WWE. He’s known for pushing nobodies from obscurity to superstardom, and known for releasing such huge stars like Hogan and Kurt Angle. I think currently TNA is avoiding Vince; they know too well that Vince, once you make him mad, he won’t stop until he wins. The same happend to WCW. McMahon probably made WCW implode by giving them his top stars (and their huge salaries to boot, which WCW was hard-pressed to pay up) and making a star of Austin and himself. In other fields, McMahon always give the go-signal for storylines and contracted personnel actions. And until recently it was revealed that Vince also “helps out” on the announcing job, which irked Mick Foley very much, since it was reported that Vince yells at their headsets. I’d rather label him as the Henry Ford of show business.

2. Michael Jackson
– The “King of Pop” in the 80’s. Now the presses label him as “Wacko Jacko”. Most people nowadays still shake their heads at how that adorable little kid lead vocal from the Jackson 5 grew up to be a white man. Heck, he’s even whiter than Eminem. In the 70s he was black, with the peak of his career after the release of “Thriller”, one of the songs easily identifiable with Michael Jackson. Then he discovered the thing called “plastic surgery” to turn his ebony skin to ivory. Apparently Glutathione and Papaya Soaps aren’t that “cool” in the 80s, or nobody was Einstein enough to invent this things for Mike back then. Many people then instantly doubted his sanity, even if he was selling albums faster than Vanilla Ice’s fad period. Then came the child molestation cases (which he was later acquitted), press releases of his carnival ranch called “Neverland” and his equally weird collection of exotic animals. Then came his public appearances in 2006-2008, which instantly became the frenzy and ridicule of celebrity magazines. Definitely one for the celebrity history books.

1. Britney Spears
– Ooops, she did it again. Once, she already had a good life; her boyfriend is named Justin, she’s selling albums like hotcakes, she’s hot, she’s rich, and she’s sane. Then she threw it all away. She married two guys and divorced both, she’s barred by the law in raising her children in several cases, she shaved her own famous blonde hair to a nearly-bald palette, she’s as hot as MC Hammer, she’s hanging out with Paris Hilton, and was once caught without her underwear on in public. The only remaining factor is that she’s still rich. Her estranged friends include Michael Jackson and Madonna. Her acting debuts bombed. Now she’s on a downward spiral to obscurity, and that’s why nobody knows what the fuck she was thinking after she dumped Justin. I personally think her record company duped MTV at the last VMAs to give her that celebrity “push” my making her win all her nominated categories. If you look at it, Alanis Morissette is 100% better than that bitch, yet Alanis rarely wins MTV awards. Maybe it’s all about getting a better publicist  Britney sucks the most, period.

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~ by lancelotreadman on September 27, 2008.

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